Night weaning and sleep training.. not the same thing!
Do you feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to nights with your baby? Are you feeding your baby all throughout the night and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel? I get it. Birth is such a whirlwind of hormones, sleep deprivation, excitement and exhaustion. Once you finally come up for air around that 3 month mark you feel like just getting 3 hours of sleep is a vacation. It can be exhausting trying to care for a newborn, but once that newborn stage is over and they become a baby, then what? There was promise of sleep again, wasn’t there? Will I never sleep again? I don’t remember this part of the manual.
If you are feeding your baby all night long, and struggling to calm a fussy baby for what feels like every hour, then I am here to help you.
Firstly, it is important to note, babies are noisy sleepers. If your baby is making noises and fussing, he may still be asleep. When babies are born they only have two stages of sleep: active sleep and quiet sleep. Babies’ sleep cycles mature as they grow in the first 6 months of life, but for the first few months it is noisy. If you rush to his aid immediately when he cries out, there is a possibility of you waking him up. This makes for a confusing night for both of you. Once you can decipher the sounds of hunger versus the other cries, you will be in a much better place.
Secondly, working on independent sleep looks different for everyone. Just because Sally put her baby down and walked away for 9 hours does not mean that you feel comfortable doing that, and that is okay! This doesn’t have to be a one size fits all, because your baby is unique. Even certain stages of a baby’s life can feel more clingy than other stages, so don’t be hard on yourself if your friend or neighbor has a different sleeper than you.
The goal of independent sleep at this stage (4 months and older), is to help you learn the difference between hunger and other cries, but also to help your baby learn this skill for when they no longer are hungry at night. This will make all transitions easier. If you are only feeding when your baby is hungry, imagine how much easier it will be for him to connect his sleep cycles in the future.
Teaching independent sleep does not mean your baby has to cry for hours on end. It also does not mean that you have to ignore cries. It is about tuning in and listening to what each cry means, and responding when necessary. I am a parent first, teacher second. I will always help you lead with your heart. If you think there is something wrong, by all means go and check on your baby. If you think your baby is just fussing to get comfy, pause and give him a minute.
Once your detective skills become better, and you feel like you know the difference between a hunger cry and fussy cry, you can begin the work.
If you are feeding your baby at night when they are hungry, you must make sure to attempt to keep them awake. make them slightly less warm and cozy, untuck their feet, change their diaper, turn on a nightlight. The reason for this is that they are learning to fall asleep independently, so we want them to be fed for sustenance, then put down awake to understand that they will fall asleep independently again. It can be confusing if sometimes you come and feed them to sleep and others you let them cry and fuss. Consistency is key. Hunger is not the same as comfort. And it doesn’t have to be!
If you are struggling to become that detective, I can help! Looking for some sleep yourself? Let’s work on it together!
Wishing you rest and sanity,
xo Melanie
